Tricia had just finished washing the sweat off me when a knock came at my door. It was my part time employer, Hindir. Insisting I wear some outrageous shirt and coat combo just to go to a dinner party at some hoity toity woman’s house. If I had known it was his Ex-girlfriend I might have actually argued more about the clothes. As it was we settled on a vest and tie. Of course when we show up she has already entertained a bunch of mercs, I hate sloppy seconds, and they where dressed normally. The dinner was typical human and dwarf fare, meat followed by more meat and fat, do not forget the fat. Followed by horrible wine. Would rather of had grog. But the lady was saucy and sharp tongued, I kind of like her, plus she called me her peer. So I know she has good taste. She has problems, like everyone else, though hers cost her more money. So she hires us to take care of one. Some jerk working for the harbor master is running a scam, like every other harbor masters jerkoff, and we need to prove it.
So to do this we follow my employers lead down to the peir, and low and behold the ship is at anchor in the harbor instead of at it’s slip in the pier. Hindir grumbles and starts doodling in his book talking about boats and water, when I spot a perfectly usable and accessible dingy tied up a the pier. This cheers him up and we sail out to her ladyship’s (I think that’s what you call them when they hire you) vessel. Rather than boarding like normal people, because they probably would not let us, we climb up onto the poop deck from her stern and announce ourselves. While Hindir does this I am busy. You se I sense, hear, smell and basically just know in the pit of my stomach that these guys are monster smugglers. More importantly I know they are smuggling undead. So I begin to pray to Kord for the strength to stand before these horrible abominations of faith, yeah cause fighting undead is not scary or anything, you just need faith.
So while I am duly distracted with more important matters my friend Grao gets into a duel with the Jerkface we came to confront. So in my best deck voice I begin heckling said jerkface while Grao disarms him allows him to skewer himself on his own cutlass and then after a pointless speech dive overboard like a bad pirate 10 pence novel character. We kindly explain to the rest of his people how we care nothing about the business of smuggling so they can leave. Sadly one of his wenches down below has a bit more loyalty, he must be better with that sword. She starts a fire. Sadly wenches are not known for their enormous ability to think beyond the sword in them and she does so next to one of those monsters I mentioned earlier, and is promptly made into a light snack.
When we hear the scream and see the smoke we rush down to see the ugliest spider I have ever seen. I am figuring out how to kill it when My new buddy, more on half race relations next time, says no dont kill it animals have rites too. Well really they don’t but I could not fault his logic in thinking they do, then it clicks, he is a hunter for the arena! See previous statements about animals and monsters not really having rites. So reward for alive I can get behind. But there is a fire. Hidir exclaims he has the fire. So I can just fight. I like that, trusting the pure blooded elf for some weird reason in the heat of the moment I charge in. I did not realize his method of dealing with the fire was holes in the side of the boat to start flooding! Note to self after: this is over teach Hindir the three largest fears of sailors. So after the big spider chews unsuccessfully on the big guy for a while we subdue it.
Grao manages to get us and the few people left on board who did not jump over board to sail the half flooded, smoke filled ship to the pier where we can get help keeping it from sinking and costing her ladyship a ton of gold to salvage it.